apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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