why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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