Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
