His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
