So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
