i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
