that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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