thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
