Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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