From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm both gender and math confused
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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