i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
