WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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