Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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