Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
