he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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