dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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