I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
