So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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