You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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