he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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