yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
