I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
