Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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