i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
