That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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