I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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