im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
