well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
