I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
