Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
