Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
