you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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