turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
