The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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