I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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