Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
