I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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