Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
