More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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