I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
