Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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