areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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