people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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