I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
