I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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