just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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