She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The air was thick with penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
