hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
