I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
