I didn't shave. On purpose
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
