what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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