i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
