Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think my moral compass just broke
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
