I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
