dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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