i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
