After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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