How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
