A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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