Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
