Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
